planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
