So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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