So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
