brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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