My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
