If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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