I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
