i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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