I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
