I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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