I think I died a long time ago.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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