The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Who died my cat blue again?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
