Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
