theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
