no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
