Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
