he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
