her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
