im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
