The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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