My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
