when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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