stop calling my apartment porn island.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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