Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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