i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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