perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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