I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
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