i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
