so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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