I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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