I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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