we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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