She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
