A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I intend to get homeless drunk
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
