You're completely useless in the revolution.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
