his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
