Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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