On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
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Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize