can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
