All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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