The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
