whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
