dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
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Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
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Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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