i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
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