I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
OPIZZABONMYDICK
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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