I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
