I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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