We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
