your parents love me but you hate me
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
