I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize