Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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