This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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