You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
