You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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