hotel room ftw
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
