did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
