Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
