Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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