you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
